I'm
not one to write a lot, which is pretty evident from the fact that I have
updated my blog after almost a year. Most of the time I read something which says
exactly what is on my mind, so I never bother to write what I think.
And
God knows enough is being written about the Delhi gangrape. Just like a lot of
people wrote about the Guwahati molestation. And the Dhaula Kuan case. Take
your pick.
So
why am I bothering to write now, even when I am living in another country?
Because I haven't seen anything yet which has put words to how I feel. A lot of
people demanding castration/hanging/(insert any gruesome penalty) for rapists?
Yes. A lot of indignation and anger? Yes. What nobody brought up,
however, is how vulnerable and scared this makes me feel.
Maybe
this is because my girl friends were on the streets of Delhi, while the rape
case happened. Or because my sister has to travel alone for tuitions and coaching.
Or my other friend who commutes to Gurgaon everyday for college has dealt with
very shady men calling her on her mobile. Or any of the other girls I know. Or
any one I crossed on the streets. The realization that the 'victim' could just
as easily have been me or any of them sends chills down my spine. That they are
happily continuing instead of battling for their life on the ventilator is just
a matter of chance. It wasn't a question of whether they were smart. They
just got lucky and so did everyone else on the streets that day. We might not
be so lucky tomorrow. Or the day after.
The
point is, I don't know what is safe anymore? They say, you should stay on lit
roads (because rapists are demons which only come out at night). Or carry a
pepper spray, but maybe we should consider switching to a Stun gun? Try
staying in a group as much as possible. But like a lot of people will tell you,
it's the acquaintances you need to be most wary of. Staying home isn't an
option if I believe my friends who were molested by their brothers/uncles. Our
offices aren't free of sexual harassment either. Nor are our schools. So what
exactly are we supposed to do? Curl up and pretend to be invisible? 'Timid'
women turn on potential rapists. So should we be bold and brave? Don't be too
adventurous, I am told.
Every
time I read the newspapers, I feel maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the time restrictions
my parents put on me which I consider an infringement on my privacy are there
to keep me safe. Maybe I shouldn't wear those damned shorts. Or be out too
late. Or hang out with my male friends.
But a
part of me (which people say is 'too much of a feminist') refuses to give in to
this Stockholm Syndrome. I refuse to be taken hostage by the wandering eyes of
men who can't keep it in their pants. I refuse to part with my
not-so-conventional style of dressing. I love my social life and will not part
with it or my male friends. I refuse to give all this up because this makes me
who I am and I can't let faceless, nameless people hold my identity hostage.
Which
leaves me in a Catch-22 situation. Where do I go from here? Bet on my luck or
quit while I'm still ahead? And not dead.
Men/
boys would read this and nod in agreement like they understand what this means.
Not to sound cynical here, but you don't. You weren't whistled at on the
street by a bunch of guys on bikes when you were 14, who probably thought it
was good fun while you had weird nightmares for months after. You didn't get
pinched at a crowded metro station by a guy who had a daughter clutching his
other hand. You don't skip a heartbeat when a vehicle slows down next to you.
(And God forbid if it has tinted windows!) You don't have to switch on a
tracker every time you take a cab, auto or any form of public transport. You
don't have to carry a pepper spray around with you. You don't brace yourself every
time you enter the general compartment of the Metro; ready to elbow people pressing
up too close against you. You don't glance over your shoulder if you see a
shadow behind you on an empty street. You think twice before plugging in ear
phones because you don't want to be caught off guard. You don't carry your
drinks everywhere at a party because you don't want to be roofied. You don't do
all this and a million other things and so, you probably don't understand where
I am coming from. (And no, this isn't a rant about Delhi. I have lived in 9
different cities and the extent of harassment might be different, they are all
pretty much the same.)
Don't
get me wrong. I'm sure a lot of you people genuinely empathize and would be
enraged by my cynicism. To them, I apologize. And rest assured, this isn't
meant to be a gender segmented accusation. Men are a crucial part of this fight
for safety considering that any change needs to start with them.
My
problem is with hypocrisy and lip service to the situation. I ask you this (and
it goes for a lot of girls as well) what have you done for my safety? Did you
ever stop a friend (or yourself) from passing comments on girls? How many times
have you looked at a girl's profile picture and thought, "This one looks
easy."? Or wolf whistled at their cleavage? Thought it was okay for the
RSS/BJP type to publicly humiliate young couples? Judged a girl by the clothes
she was wearing? If you've done any of that, forgive me for not taking you
seriously. While we're at it, don't send me petitions to sign or ask me to
change my profile picture. Because I don't care for your token of empathy.
Because changing your profile picture doesn't change anything. Give it a couple
of days and it will change back. But my life will go on. And while you forget
all about it, my fight for equality is synonymous with my life.
If
you really want to show us how much you care support us while we empower
ourselves.
Stop
treating us like objects.
Stop
staring at us if we wear a dress and DON'T consider it a bait.
Stop
trying to find ways to pinch us. Tell your friends to do the same.
Don't
wink at eve-teasing. If you see a girl getting eve teased don't be a bystander.
Step up.
Tell
your sons they should respect every girl. Follow your own advice.
Stand
up for your sister/mother. Treat your girlfriend/ wife as your equal.
Don't
blame it on the government. The government is a reflection of you. If you think
the government is made up of sexist douchebags, look again.
This
is not a law and order problem. This is a problem with us. We worship 'Nari
Shakti' but like our Goddesses are our women; on the pedestal and mute.
Archaic
forms of punishment might stop repeat offenders but you doing the right thing
will nip the problem in its bud.
I
believe strongly that one can take the moral high ground of being pro-life only
if you can ensure the quality of life to come as well. When I see the systemic
discrimination and the mental, physical and emotional anguish women in our
country go through, a crazy part of me doesn't want to go back to my own
country. All thanks to you, nameless-faceless-sexual-predator. I hope you're
happy now.
P.S.
- People who are part of the Facebook campaign, I'm sure you have your own
reasons. These, of course, are my personal views.
