Post It #11 Persistence

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On!' has solved and will always solve the problems of human race.

- Calvin Coolidge

Post It #10 - Discovery

Busy as we are finding ourselves
Simultaneously,
We wait to be discovered. 

Post It #9 - Solace

Happiness is..
Finding solace in solitude.

Post It #8 - Exhaustion

Hiding away from world
Till I find enough courage
To put back the fake smile on.

Post It #7 - Choice vs Destiny

It is still called regret
If you would change your decision
And choice you made
Given a chance.
But to save ourselves 
From falling into repentance
We put the blame on Destiny.
Maktoob.

Post It #6 - Twinge

I am not a person who easily accepts defeat. I fight back, do whatever I can. And I did. For a long time. Failed. 

Next, I tried to run away. Escape. But I couldn't.  
Trapped. Caged. Stuck. Frustrated. 

Finally I accepted my defeat. And found an unnatural satisfaction in it. Drowned myself in the mundane routine things. Comforting in its inherent discomfort.

The pain comes back once in a while. Sadness engulfs like a tight hug. I don't have enough strength left to fight back. 

The twinge remains. 

Post It #4 - Escapism

Happy New Year Folks!
I am just back from a trip to Bali and Macau, I have already booked my tickets for India next month and looking at tickets for Beijing and Shanghai in March. I am almost broke, living on credit cards. :P

Day dreaming of traveling to distant locations makes me wonder though, is traveling just another form of escapism?

Post It #3 - Day 364

It's the last day of 2015 today and I am sitting at my desk in  my office introspecting about the past 363 days of my life. As usual, it has been a mixture of both, good and bad experiences. But in all of it I have come to realize that this year has been an year of 'Epic Fail'. :p

Note to self - Dear Neha, You need to lower down your expectations. 

Post It #2 - I want to become...

While waiting for the next train at the subway station, a small boy around 11-12 years old caught my eye. He was with his mom, playing enthusiastically with a very fancy airplane model.
I went to speak to him and to see his aircraft. He started telling me about the plane model very passionately and proudly exclaimed - "I want become a pilot."

I smiled and said (louder than I intended to) - "I wish I could say with equal conviction, what I wanted to become."

His mother who was observing the exchange, came up to me and said, "Wait till you reach 40 and have no choice but to accept what you have become."

Post It #1 - The woman in the bus

I have started working now and have this boring, monotonous life. I wake up (without any alarm) at exactly 7.30 am, get ready and leave home and take the bus to office exactly at 8.30 am from the bus stop near my home - EVERYDAY. 
However, in this monotony of mine I have made a friend. She is short, around 50 years old, Chinese woman who can barely speak English.  I don't even know her name properly, but she follows a similar schedule to mine. She works as a cleaner in another office close to my building and lives somewhere close to my place. We meet everyday at the bus stop and try to converse in my broken Cantonese and her broken English. 
She is a very nice person. How do I know this? One day while going back from office, I was in a terrible condition; puking my guts out (In my defense Chinese food is weird, I do pity my tummy!). While everyone else standing in the queue for the bus was giving me disgusting looks (very obviously) she came over to me, patted my back, gave me water and made me sit. And all I could muster was a small thank you. 
So that was the beginning of our friendship and it has been blossoming since then. We even try to save a seat in the bus for the other person now.
My boring, dull life becomes a little less sad when she smiles her crooked teeth smile every morning at me and says 'Jou-Saan'.  

PS: I know its been a long time since I have posted anything on this blog and its weird posting this without any background information. Its not that I haven't written anything at all, trust me, I have too many saved drafts which were never published only because I always wanted to 'better' them. 

But then I remembered that I had started this blog to write about the small things that happen in my life, things that catch my eye and not to write some long, wordy, literary pieces. The purpose got lost in the course of making the blog. 

So now I am back to write about the little things as 'post-its' so that they can remind me of the good and sometimes bad things in my life, when I grow older. 

Change.

I don’t usually write and certainly not when I have mountain loads of work and when my final exams are just around the corner. So what made me write today?  

Well, since a few days, I have been messaging all the people in my phone list to support AAP (If you’re in the list you would know!) and I received a lot of feedback. Ridicules and laughs and questions related to AAP and it just  reminded me of a phrase I read in my childhood, “Sabhi chahte hain ki Bhagat Singh Paida ho, magar mere nahi padosi ke ghar mein” and I find it so apt in today’s time. Everyone including me has a problem with the ‘System’. Everyone including me blames all wrong on the ‘System’ and then everyone including me steps back when asked to come forward and fix things. We want good people to come up and change the system, but never try to do it ourselves. Why?  Maybe because we know that this system is so filthy that even one step in the direction to clean it and all our past accomplishments may go in vain.

Even after knowing all this, there are a bunch of courageous people who are doing what we refused to do. Those ambitious guys are not doing it because they had nothing else to do but because they can’t just sit behind like us and expect others to take the initiative to clean the rotten system. Yes, I am talking about Arvind Kejriwal and his fellows at Delhi working under the banner of AAM AADMI PARTY (AAP). Whether you like them or not, you cannot deny that they have put their prestige, good work and name at stake to make an effort towards cleaning the system.

You and I could be a supporter of Congress or a Na-Mo government, or any other party but can we today say that these parties are talking about the issues we struggle in daily life? Will you or I get a hassle free transportation or Tatkal tickets easily if a Temple/Mosque is build in Ayodhaya? Do you know where the extra money we are spending on the Onions and Tomatoes are going and why politicians are not fixing it? Do you know why these parties do not reveal their sources of funding and refrain from coming ambit of RTI?

For moments, let’s put aside all our differences and think about it. Here is a party which:

1.       Has put all its donations online for public scrutiny, no matter whether 1 rupee or 1 crore rupees.

2.       Is willing to come under the RTI about their fundings.

3.       Has fielded all good candidates, well educated and without any criminal records.

4.       Doesn’t believe in appeasement politics (allegedly Congress’s style) or divisive politics (BJP’s style) and wants to forget our caste or religion and focus on issues which we face in everyday life.

5.       Has members who have written their resignation on affidavits if promises they have are made are not fulfilled in a defined time. (FIRST TIME EVER IN INDIA)

6.       Have been getting donations from common people like you and I who never thought of donating money to a political party.

It’s AAP which has changed the political discourse of this country. This is AAP which has adopted the best possible standards of transparency a Political party can. Why so many good things about them make us uncomfortable with them? Is it because they are new in the political arena or is it because we are blind supporters of a party or politician? If it’s the latter then maybe we DESERVE the system we live in and if we are not comfortable because it’s a ‘NEW’ party and do not know how to work then believe me they deserve a chance more than anyone else because being new they don’t even know how to properly loot the money which others parties know very well.

I do not want you to support them blindly. I want you to analyze/criticize them as much as you want but at the same time see what kind of parties we got at the other hand. They are new comers and there would certainly be hiccups in their plans and executions but what matters the most in longer run are INTENTIONS.

Do not forget what makes police different from thieves are the ‘Intentions’.

Hope.

Sometimes I loose hope,
And sometimes hope finds me. 

Sometimes I forget people, 
And sometimes they remind me.

Sometimes I feel uninspired, 
And sometimes love inspires me.

Sometimes I don't believe, 
And sometimes I find belief inside me.  

Sometimes I give up, 
And sometimes life lifts me up. 

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.” ― Emily Dickinson

Ignore

What good is life
If you are too busy to smile back at a stranger 
Or to notice a tear
If you are in hurry to let go 
The people with who you grow 
If you miss the detail
Or forget those who care 
What good is life 
If you...Ignore.




Today I watched a flock of birds chase off a crow above a parking lot and it reminded me that science is really just the art of noticing.

Where the mind is without fear?

I'm not one to write a lot, which is pretty evident from the fact that I have updated my blog after almost a year. Most of the time I read something which says exactly what is on my mind, so I never bother to write what I think.

And God knows enough is being written about the Delhi gangrape. Just like a lot of people wrote about the Guwahati molestation. And the Dhaula Kuan case. Take your pick.

 So why am I bothering to write now, even when I am living in another country? Because I haven't seen anything yet which has put words to how I feel. A lot of people demanding castration/hanging/(insert any gruesome penalty) for rapists? Yes.  A lot of indignation and anger? Yes. What nobody brought up, however, is how vulnerable and scared this makes me feel.

Maybe this is because my girl friends were on the streets of Delhi, while the rape case happened. Or because my sister has to travel alone for tuitions and coaching. Or my other friend who commutes to Gurgaon everyday for college has dealt with very shady men calling her on her mobile. Or any of the other girls I know. Or any one I crossed on the streets. The realization that the 'victim' could just as easily have been me or any of them sends chills down my spine. That they are happily continuing instead of battling for their life on the ventilator is just a matter of chance. It wasn't a question of whether they were smart. They just got lucky and so did everyone else on the streets that day. We might not be so lucky tomorrow. Or the day after.

The point is, I don't know what is safe anymore? They say, you should stay on lit roads (because rapists are demons which only come out at night). Or carry a pepper spray, but maybe we should consider switching to a Stun gun?  Try staying in a group as much as possible. But like a lot of people will tell you, it's the acquaintances you need to be most wary of. Staying home isn't an option if I believe my friends who were molested by their brothers/uncles. Our offices aren't free of sexual harassment either. Nor are our schools. So what exactly are we supposed to do? Curl up and pretend to be invisible? 'Timid' women turn on potential rapists. So should we be bold and brave? Don't be too adventurous, I am told.

Every time I read the newspapers, I feel maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the time restrictions my parents put on me which I consider an infringement on my privacy are there to keep me safe. Maybe I shouldn't wear those damned shorts. Or be out too late. Or hang out with my male friends.

But a part of me (which people say is 'too much of a feminist') refuses to give in to this Stockholm Syndrome. I refuse to be taken hostage by the wandering eyes of men who can't keep it in their pants. I refuse to part with my not-so-conventional style of dressing. I love my social life and will not part with it or my male friends. I refuse to give all this up because this makes me who I am and I can't let faceless, nameless people hold my identity hostage.

Which leaves me in a Catch-22 situation. Where do I go from here? Bet on my luck or quit while I'm still ahead? And not dead.

Men/ boys would read this and nod in agreement like they understand what this means. Not to sound cynical here, but you don't.  You weren't whistled at on the street by a bunch of guys on bikes when you were 14, who probably thought it was good fun while you had weird nightmares for months after. You didn't get pinched at a crowded metro station by a guy who had a daughter clutching his other hand. You don't skip a heartbeat when a vehicle slows down next to you. (And God forbid if it has tinted windows!) You don't have to switch on a tracker every time you take a cab, auto or any form of public transport. You don't have to carry a pepper spray around with you. You don't brace yourself every time you enter the general compartment of the Metro; ready to elbow people pressing up too close against you. You don't glance over your shoulder if you see a shadow behind you on an empty street. You think twice before plugging in ear phones because you don't want to be caught off guard. You don't carry your drinks everywhere at a party because you don't want to be roofied. You don't do all this and a million other things and so, you probably don't understand where I am coming from. (And no, this isn't a rant about Delhi. I have lived in 9 different cities and the extent of harassment might be different, they are all pretty much the same.)

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure a lot of you people genuinely empathize and would be enraged by my cynicism. To them, I apologize. And rest assured, this isn't meant to be a gender segmented accusation. Men are a crucial part of this fight for safety considering that any change needs to start with them.

My problem is with hypocrisy and lip service to the situation. I ask you this (and it goes for a lot of girls as well) what have you done for my safety? Did you ever stop a friend (or yourself) from passing comments on girls? How many times have you looked at a girl's profile picture and thought, "This one looks easy."? Or wolf whistled at their cleavage? Thought it was okay for the RSS/BJP type to publicly humiliate young couples? Judged a girl by the clothes she was wearing? If you've done any of that, forgive me for not taking you seriously. While we're at it, don't send me petitions to sign or ask me to change my profile picture. Because I don't care for your token of empathy. Because changing your profile picture doesn't change anything. Give it a couple of days and it will change back. But my life will go on. And while you forget all about it, my fight for equality is synonymous with my life.

If you really want to show us how much you care support us while we empower ourselves.

Stop treating us like objects.

Stop staring at us if we wear a dress and DON'T consider it a bait.

Stop trying to find ways to pinch us. Tell your friends to do the same.

Don't wink at eve-teasing. If you see a girl getting eve teased don't be a bystander. Step up.

Tell your sons they should respect every girl. Follow your own advice.

Stand up for your sister/mother. Treat your girlfriend/ wife as your equal.

Don't blame it on the government. The government is a reflection of you. If you think the government is made up of sexist douchebags, look again.

This is not a law and order problem. This is a problem with us. We worship 'Nari Shakti' but like our Goddesses are our women; on the pedestal and mute.

Archaic forms of punishment might stop repeat offenders but you doing the right thing will nip the problem in its bud.

I believe strongly that one can take the moral high ground of being pro-life only if you can ensure the quality of life to come as well. When I see the systemic discrimination and the mental, physical and emotional anguish women in our country go through, a crazy part of me doesn't want to go back to my own country. All thanks to you, nameless-faceless-sexual-predator. I hope you're happy now.

P.S. - People who are part of the Facebook campaign, I'm sure you have your own reasons. These, of course, are my personal views.

Creating Still....

People often say that this or that person has not found himself yet, but the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

And on the process of creating myself, I realised, that you have to be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart. Instead of seeking the answers, its better to love those questions now because you will find those answers gradually, without noticing it and will live along some distant day in the answer.

I find myself to lose again
I feel certainly unsure of myself
I know my path but I walk directionless
Flowing with the wind, fixedly aimless.

I follow no religion
I pray to the heavens though
I may seem cynical but I do believe
In the traces of humanity, present in you and me

I feel confident when I face the world
I have moments of self doubt left alone
I know my limits but I aim for the sky
Its a world of opportunities for me to explore and try.

I flounder, make mistakes
I try to change, mostly I don't
I'm stubborn but I do apologise
For my errors, I'm by no means wise.

I have fallen in love
I trust only a few
I am emotionally fragile but I am strong
Protecting my love, not accepting any wrong.

I am free in my thoughts
I am bound by my actions
I am an intricate puzzle but easy to solve
The pieces are ever changing, I constantly evolve.

I am finishing only to begin again
I am revisiting my life
I carry old memories only to create more
It’s just one life I have, cherish it I will for sure.




You have to leave your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover is wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.

The Best Birthday Gift Ever…

I have never really liked 'birthdays', considering i am generally all alone that day (which makes me feel all the more gloomy!) But i never even liked birthday parties (though i never mind the gifts :p) the entire fuss, faking a smile continuously, saying 'thank you' a dozen times in a single breath and then stupid rains spoiling everything!! (why is it that it ALWAYS rains on my birthday??) more or less birthdays were always a pain. The one thing which makes me look to forward to the D-day, is Archi's poem. Every year i receive a beautiful, lovely poem by my best friend which actually completes my day and makes it special for me!! :)

So this year I thought I'll share it with you guys...

So, neha, another year passed by

another birthday has come around

and here i was watching you grow

with amazement in my heart abound

yes, you have come a long long way

constantly changing with each moment

Like you were a diamond being polished

sparkling more with every cut's endurement

I saw you tread in dangerous paths

figuring out the right way to go

And as I watched from the shadows

It so pleased me to see you grow

I saw you make choices, so many

I saw you strong untill the end

wavering a bit in moments of doubt

and the wounds you on your own did tend

I watched you learn along the way

Learning to correct the mistakes

I saw you delve deeper in choppy waters

More confident, outgrowing the calm lakes

and there will be things and stuff

That we could never ever forget

Where do I begin, a difficult choice

But okay, let's begin with PEC

CHD is a beautiful place for sure

We'll go there someday backpacking

But counsellings I hate with all my soul

CHD or outside CHD? How discriminating!

I adore handsome sardars with all my soul

but college boys in black, how excruciating!

and well off, beautiful people in sc/st

again, CHD or outside CHD? how discriminating!

but the drive was worth it though

a beautiful stretch of images, our land

washed with rain, ripening grain

you wish there forever you could stand

then there are nights on the terrace

rainwashed and the moon up in bloom

and a seductress like you dancing along

you, food,and the night, ah no room for gloom

scooty's are a pleasure, though you are rash

and inception a very funny movie, no doubt

flirting with the coffee guy, and 800 ki chappalein

god, neha, report your mind for lost and found

I long for the day when I tell your kids

what an "amazing" person you'v been

an adept achaar thief, napkin hoarder

and other things between you and me

But more than that, I long for days

when we realize our hopes and dreams

actually executing our beautiful plans

and exploring our own hidden realms

drinking till we are insane

singing and then passing out

going biking, hiking, travelling

pushing on till nothing's left out

shopping like mad, buying a place

campaigning in dirt and rain

setting up my business, nurturing it

living through the blood and pain

I want to see you fall in love

to be behind you at your wedding

I want to be there for you

as you begin the journey of parenting

I hope I am there at every turn

At every phase and beginning

I will be there in each new chapter

silent...but watching

For at every stage i will see

you emerging from your silky cacoon

spreading your enormous wings

a butterfly relishing her boon

I dont know if i'v been good enough

but I really adore you for what you are

And always I just want to be there

with you, no matter where you are

And you know what, distance is an illusion

a physical obstacle, and nothing more

oppurtunities should be seized, so fly on

I will always be there, with a wide open door

And I promise you that I'll always try

that your dreams shall never ever die

I guess I'v said enough, well, time to go

loads of love, and happy birthday dodo

Archi, i don't know how to thank you for this but i hope you know that you are the best thing that could have ever happened to me and that you define the term 'soul sister' for me!!

Every time i read it, I have a big smile on my face throughout the poem (though i even laugh in between, thanks to '800 ki chapplein' ) But still i always end up crying! :')

I LOVE YOU

BIZZARE DREAMS

I am going to be 18 in a day ( :D) so I was just wondering how I spent all those years of mine…and I realized I had gathered some real beautiful memories which I loved to cherish, some decisions which I still regret about, some embarrassing moments which I laugh about, some daring stuff which I feel proud about…in short…so far so good!!

But somehow I was still left unsatisfied because I plan to completely freak out before I leave, there is still so much left to see, so much left to do…I am actually more than my needs!

So I made a list of all the things (in no particular order) I wanna do in the years which are left….

1 Go for scuba diving.

2 Pack a bag and randomly sit in a train without knowing where it is going.

3 Be completely drunk, so much so that I am left semi-conscious. (Though I’d prefer to carry a friend, just in case…)

4 Own a small house (though with huge gardens) in a country-side where I can spend my life after retirement.

5 Watch an opera in the Sydney opera house.

6 Passionately fall in love with somebody (so I can make him my crime partner!)

7 Get a tattoo made on my shoulder which reads…’Maqtub’ (urdu for destiny)…and I’d even like a tattoo anklet!!

8 Open a small school for girls, and teach them to live a life with self-respect and independence.

9 Work in a Broadway (even if I have just a small role)

10 Get my hair streaked with ‘purple’ colour.

11 Take my mom to a live concert or a play or a ballet (this is one of her dreams actually)

12 Go on a Eurail trip

Get my best friend's collection of poems published, adopt a bunch of kids, meet Shahrukh khan,just once…etc etc.etc…

I know my list of these ‘bizarre’ dreams is actually never-ending...I can carry on with it like forever :P. But as I said there is still so much to do, so much to experience…

Actually it does not really matter if I am able to fulfill each and every dream in my list because what is more important is that you dream and try to make your life worth living. Dreams are the future realities, strive to complete them. Enjoy and make the most of each and every moment you have. Believe in yourself. Let stories be told through you. Believe in what you can’t see but what you do know. Have faith ‘cause that’s the only way to capture all your fears.

And this birthday all I wish, is to keep my ‘hope’ alive and that my dreams survive! :)

Considering there are so many ‘weird’ dreams of mine which I intend to fulfill and will be posting about them too…this blog is gonna be way interesting…lol :P

So keep reading, keep dreaming and keep the ‘sunny side up’!!

Ciao till then…

The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die, shall never ever die!!!

Brighter than Sunshine

Since ‘friendship’ day is day after tomorrow, I thought i’ll write a ‘friendship special’ :) Though I don’t really believe in these stupid ‘days’ but nevertheless, I guess it’s a good time to acknowledge those whom you love the most…

So, to begin with, I did tell you earlier how my friends are ‘little tyrants’ of my life and they rule my life completely…I mean it, literally! :p

Being a ‘fauji’ kid, I never got to spend much time at a single place. Every time, as soon as I started adjusting to a new place, a new environment we were posted off (I have literally led a life of a ‘nomad’) and then the cycle began…a new school, first day, new people, different teachers. I hated all of it. Crying for days on hearing the news of another posting, desperately asking mom, “Why can’t we just stay at a single place??” and getting the same answer all the time, “It’s dad’s job, we can’t help it.” Though I loved being in airforce but I hated shifting.

But weirdly, no matter how difficult the transition had been or how much time I took to adjust to the ‘new’ place, I always ended up loving it (though it did make the next posting even more difficult).

I guess this was because of the fact that I was really very lucky, I always ended up finding the best of friends which helped me at everything…adjusting, studying, but most importantly ‘surviving’. I know if I hadn’t met them, surviving in that new place would not have been possible. And after changing ‘nine’ schools in past 17 years of my school life, I have managed to gather loads of AMAZING friends, which I know will be there for me till eternity!

We might not interact that much today or be like we used to be, I don’t deny the fact that the distances did take a toll on our friendship, but they did bring a change in my life and made me the person I am today.

So this friendship day, I have decided, that I am gonna locate all my lost friends and tell them how important they were and still are to me.

And make them realize that our ‘friendship’ is even ‘Brighter than sunshine’!! :)

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!!

"Friendship is like a golden chain, the links are friends so dear. And like a rare and precious jewel, It’s treasured more each year..."

A Drop of HOPE...

It’s almost been a week that I haven’t seen the sun. Apart from the rare little rays of sunlight…it keeps on raining, not hard, just like a slow gray drizzle, like tears. Ahh well I am not giving you the weather report but this is what is happening in my life as well!!

I did tell you about my ‘struggle’ for getting into a college; it is the thing that has drained all my hope. Getting into a good college now totally depends upon some kind of miracle and which just isn’t gonna happen. Its not that I don’t believe in miracles but the fact that I have already seen one so chances of experiencing another are quite slim. (using ‘slim’ I am quite understating it!).

You know…sometimes it is just difficult to look at what people say,’ the larger picture’ or believing in the fact that ‘whatever happens, happens for the good’. And to all those who keep on telling me the same things…thank you so much for believing that I am gonna end up with not what i always wanted but what is best for me (that does definitely help me) but its just difficult to believe in it at the moment (though I might end up saying ‘u were right’) and I wanna clarify that I am NOT a ‘pessimist’ probably a ‘well informed optimist’ or ‘prac-ti-cal’ :p

So never mind…my point is being depressed or crying once in a while isn’t really that bad. Ok so now you must be thinking that I am completely contradicting the basic concept of this blog…so yes I am contradicting! (:p)

I know being depressed or crying doesn’t really help but nevertheless it does help you sober down (if only a bit) and you just might end up finding someone who would do everything only to get your smile back! :)

Just a ‘drop of hope’ is required…because considering the law of nature the sun will be back…shining and smiling as ever!!

Ciao till den!! Keep smiling :)

“No need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bears witness that a man has the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. –Benjamin Franklin"